Every now and again you learn something so important, yet so simple, that it changes your entire life. This post could be one of them.
Learning the lesson in this video is simple and perhaps to some, even obvious…
But I challenge you to LIVE the lesson in this video, to consistently remember and DO these lessons every single day. What is at stake is your very life, and the satisfaction you will be able to achieve for yourself and for your lovers.
Here’s the deep lesson I’ve been trying to put into everything that I send you:
The best way to be great in bed is to be a great lover in your heart.
The best way to get anyone to fall in love with you, is to BECOME THE PERSON that they can’t help but love.
The best way to give someone love is to be the person they most want to be loved by.
The best way to make your lover never leave you is to become the person that YOU would never leave.
Dr. Sean Stephenson is one of my closest friends, truly a brother to me, and he IS everything I hope to teach my audience.
He recorded this from a TED talk he gave at a prison to an audience of prisoners, but the lesson is for YOU.
If you get this, you’ll have the deepest secret I know to having great sex, a great relationship, and the deepest, most beautiful romance imaginable with your lover.
If you don’t understand the essential connection, please leave your comments below, and let’s talk about it. I’d love to hear your thoughts:
After studying “Think and Grow Rich” recently, I’m leaning towards a life purpose of “To love, and be loved”- however powerful that was, a part of me said that was lame, and said to put it as a secondary purpose.
Is this video now his just a coincidence? Haha…
The most powerful vehicle towards being loved is loving your self.
The most powerful vehicle towards truly loving your self is being loved by the one you love.
God Almighty bless you Sean,
To quote my Bible Teacher,”Prisons of the mind are a whole lot worse than a prison behind bars.”
what a wonderful lesson, thank you very much!
In His Steps,
All prisons are bad.
Hi Alex – I get it. Love yourself first, and others will love you, maybe not now, but at some time.
This was a wonderful video from Dr. Stephenson, and I can see why you call him your brother.
Thank you so much for the inspiring words, and the wonderful advice you give us. Maybe we all, men an women, can learn to at least like each other for a start, and find our loves.
Regarding the discussions on “why men hate women” and “why women are always angry with men” there’s one more, deeper level that this video fixes for those who take it on as a PRACTICE.
Any thoughts on what I’m talking about?
I think that we as humans have a tendency to lose ourselves through negative thinking and habits and as a result we end up hating ourselves. Through self-loathing we turn away from happiness and therefore cannot nurture a healthy relationship. I came very close to losing a 23 year long relationship with the man I love for this very reason. He turned to someone else while I was “away”, and I almost lost him. The woman who “found” him nearly took him from me, but because I opened my mind to what my needs are and what his needs are, with your help, Alex, we are still together. I am a firm believer that relationships are about giving of yourself and loving yourself equally. If you lose yourself and blame others for what is happening, no matter what the situation, you will have difficulty holding on to what you love. Thank you for your teachings, I value your wisdom.
Thank you Stephanie, I am humbled and grateful for your words.
I like that he says ‘Everyone is rooting for me to succeed’…….I might start using that…….
That’s incredibly powerful if you apply it to relationships…….
Of course the hot girl you like want you to succeed in charming her and making her feel attracted to you. Of course the interested girl wants to be seduced by you. Of course your girlfriend wants you to step into your beast mode and give her everything in bed. Of course your wife wants you to to succeed in making her fall in love with you over and over again……..Women WANT men to succeed….
Many men want women to succeed too…….at every level…..certainly sexually, we want women to express themselves and free themselves sexually with us…..we are preying that they let themselves go and experience pleasure and passion unbounded with us…….we want women to succeed at being the woman they dream of becoming……
Though I think you meant “praying”… I like the masculine Freudian slip of “preying” in this case.
I have a brother who is doing an extreme example of bullying himself, and I have taken the liberty of forwarding this to him in hopes that he will begin to back off from his extreme behavior. I am tempted to broadcast it because I believe it is an essential set of insights for many, many people. I particularly like the opposition of pitying and bullying — they both have the trait of belittling the self and of dis-empowering the self. As I have asked my brother, how can you expect anybody to love you if you hate yourself? Stephenson’s first lesson — don’t listen to predictions that do not empower you — is more subtle, but it underlies his other lessons, in that predictions that deny possibilities or focus on your limitations adn/or past behavior act to deny your capacity to change, to adopt new lines of behavior, or simply to be other than what your critic thinks you are. In short, such predictions are dis-empowering. A fantastic gift to all of us readers!
Sean has a way of cutting through other people’s excuses! If he can live a life he loves, then so can your brother.
ALL humans bully themselves and pity themselves sometimes… even me, even Sean.
What most people don’t understand is that it is a CHOICE and we CAN take control of our inner voice of doubt, laugh at it, ignore it, listen with compassion and then say, “thanks for sharing, but I choose not to believe that about myself.”
Sometimes the insight that this is universal is what it takes for people to FREE THEMSELVES.
Thanks for your reply Alex, and as to your question, no, I guess I don’t get the deeper level you speak of. I just know that by loving our self first, that others will love us. We must practice this on a daily basis. I do have problems with this. Many times I don’t love myself, so how could another love me? I keep trying, and I always get the 1 step forward, and then 2 backward. I would guess that next level must be confidence.
I really like what JP just had to say. Kudos JP. See, he gets it.
As a woman who think men are wonderful, no, not all, just like not all women are wonderful, I am truly looking for a man that wants to be with me, mentally and physically and who will like being with me. I am on the constant rolling wheel. It’s the confidence I lack to go seek what I need and want.
Alex, please offer some help and suggestions. As well as advice from others. Alex, you are so spot on with your advice. Thank you for listening to me, and helping.
Thanks for playing along and bringing rigor and discerning inquiry to it Betsy. The more effort you put into it, the more you can begin to wake up to what’s going on.
You are spot on… you have to find your inner deservingness first. Your inner voice will ALWAYS serve you doubt, fear, criticism… but you get to choose whether to listen.
The “deeper level” I was hoping someone would comment on is that our own frustrations and criticisms of our selves are exactly what leads us to blame the opposite sex for our problems.
It is PROJECTION that makes women assume that it is men’s fault for making them feel that way.
It is PROJECTION that makes men accuse women of destroying their self esteem.
In fact, we come pre-wired to self-criticism without any help from the opposite sex.
Once you maturely deal with your own self-criticism, it’s amazing how much nicer and more human the opposite sex suddenly become.
DMT! DMT! DMT! DMT! DMT!
A powerful way for folks to free themselves, but not the only way, and I’m sure you know plenty of folks (as I do), who had powerful experiences with DMT but are no more free than they were before.
“Everyone is rooting for me to win, even those that do not know it.” “If someone pities me, they are wasting their time.” Stop chasing validation, love yourself, KNOW that you add value to this world… good stuff. The real prison is in your own mind. Great clip. Thank you.
Ok, that’s my problem. I tend to listen to the negative, therefore projecting my own negative thoughts about myself. I need to stop the negative talk, and get with the program. Thinking of the positive, and the confidence that I know I can have. I need better control of my inner self. And damn it, I am going to work on getting it and showing it. I can do this!!
Thank you so much Alex. Enjoy your pages very much. Keep them coming.
Yeah, yeah, yeah… but you have to do it without BULLYING yourself! lol
Thanks for being so beautifully real and putting your heart out there with what really matters, Alex 🙂
In my youth, I married an abusive man. At the time, I feared, blamed and somewhat ‘hated’ men. The real problem was that I hated myself. I had been deeply and widely abused from infancy and thought I deserved to be someone’s punching bag.
Even though I left that relationship 25 years ago and have not been in an abusive relationship since then, I have realized this past year how much I still beat myself up. It has kept me from being happy in relationship because my mind imagines that the other (in this case potential partner) thinks of me or sees me as I see myself. That doesn’t make me angry at any man, but it has kept me hiding and unwilling to ask for what I really want.
I’ve learned enough skills in relationship to write an encyclopedia, yet none of them make me happy if I don’t love myself. I’ve attracted many super amazing men who want nothing more than to love me, and it means nothing if I don’t love myself.
You and Sean are both angels 🙂 Thank you for sharing this video. Sean has a way of touching me when others can’t because his attitude is so gorgeous (and contagious!). Big love to both of you (and to myself 😉 )
Lynnet, you absolutely slay me with your courage. Thank you for posting with such fierce authenticity and love.
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Exactly what I needed to hear !
So… Then How do we master our emotions and choose to love time and time again, so that we are not in self pitty and self sabbatoge? Do we just continue to viligently watch our inner self-talk and turn it towards love. That sounds like a lot of effort.
You got a better idea on where to put your effort?
First priority is survival. If you’ve got a bear chasing you or you need to figure out how to put food on the table: Do that first.
After that, if you succeed at making your life happy and your head a happy place to live you’ll find it easy to attract great lovers, find and succeed at a great career, and be of enormous service to others.
great share thanks
So… Then how do we work on this loving ourself? does it require us to be constantly vigilant in our thoughts to eliminate negative self talk?
Great question. No… it’s important that you understand that you NEVER eliminate negative self talk. Negative is what the self-talker does, baby. The important thing is to learn, through time and practice and attention, that it’s just talk, just a bunch of noise in your head, and that it’s generally bullshit.
But… BE CAREFUL! The negative self-talk thing is CLEVER, and it will start making negative self talk out of the fact that you keep catching yourself negative self-talking! It is extremely important (and maybe even essential) to develop a sense of humor around it.
I didn’t hear anything in this video that tells me how to feel worthy of love. It just says that I should. I spent the first 18 years of my life learning that I wasn’t worthy. I was only as worthy as my last act. I didn’t get love. I occasionally got approval. I also got hit with her special board when she was red-faced, swearing, spitting, screaming angry. Those emotionally charged memories are the ones that stick with us. And the kicker of the whole lesson was that I had no idea whaT was happening to me wasn’t normal. That being beaten and neglected wasn’t normal. I needed help and guidance and had no idea I needed it. Your shame becomes normal and you just accept that the rest of life that other people have, just isn’t supposed to happen for you.
So love yourself? HOW?
I started with your programs, Alex. Man I wish I could do two sessions with you! As someone notes on your page, your material isn’t about sex, Though you’ll score better and more often IF YOU DO THE WORK. It’s about being the best version of yourself and how to get there. You also turned me on to Wayne Levine, and gave me the second life work program. In 3 months I’m twice the man I’ve ever been, and yes, lover, because my 36 year marriage has come to life despite our current adversities. Now, I have another coach. Keep doing what you’re doing. My LORD this is great.
Thank you David! Juicing me up for the new post I’m working on now!
Bless you Sean..Your darn right Love!