You probably already know that men are absolutely obsessed with their penises…
Earlier this week I had the men complete a survey on the subject, and it might interest you to learn that more than half of them have tried stretching exercises, pumps, or hanging weights to make it bigger… even though if you do a search on google on the subject you’d learn that all of these methods come with a real risk of injury.
30% of them have tried penis enlargement pills… even though it’s common knowledge that they are all scams…
And while half of them said they are average or above average, even most of those men wish they were larger.
I believe this is a deeper issue for most men than breast size is most women, because women are forced by reality to deal with it maturely. In spite of clothing, everyone can see if a woman has large or small breasts, and women have the experience of men being attracted to them anyway, and (hopefully!) they learn to accept themselves. A
Men however live in secrecy and fear around their penis size.
PLEASE take a moment to help me help the men by answering the questions on this survey. Please answer honestly and personally (your own opinions, not what you think most of your friends think).
You might also learn a bit about men from taking the survey, as all of these questions were requested by the men themselves as the “burning questions” they wanted to know from women…
Create your free online surveys with SurveyMonkey , the world’s leading questionnaire tool.
UPDATE: I just want to say how grateful I am for the honest participation of so many women. I LOVE MY READERS!
Those of you have shared personal stories in that last “any extra comments” field have poured out such a treasure of wisdom, truth, and sound advice. I can’t wait to share all of this with the men in coming weeks.
Please feel free to share any personal stories in the survey, or anonymously (you don’t need to use your real name) in the comments below. They are extremely helpful!
Your survey stopped at “romantic”, but i could see there was another question and it
was covered up.
As a woman, I can say that i don’t single out wonderful attributes. I look at the whole
package, and it’s not only what I see, it’s who the person is, inside.
I seem to like semi-needy men more than really arrogant and self-assured…
I want a soft man, soft and warm and comfortable…not hard muscles, and chiseled face,
and totally into himself. I want a man who actually listens to what I have to say and
values my opinion, even if he doesn’t agree with me.
I want a man who let’s me fuss over him..like give him massages, like getting really sexually touchy..i think men are made wonderfully great and I want to touch and carress every part of him…
Re penis size…I can only handle so much in my mouth and throat, and any left over is
just unneeded anyhow…I am an oral more than a vaginal woman…
The sorry truth is that so many men, not willing to believe that woman like you exists, enter a relationship with a great woman who wants to GIVE to them, and they simply can’t receive it. They actually perceive YOU as being “difficult to please,” because they simply have no model in their brain for the idea that most women love to give and get pleasure from a man who can appreciate their gifts.
It’s a big part of my mission to help men get past this sad misunderstanding.
Overall I think confidence in who they are is the most important attractive factor. Also underrated by most women, kindness and compassion make a guy incredibly attractive for me.
Thanks Pam… and for what it’s worth, I think that the vast majority of women are powerfully turned on by kindness and compassion…
The problem is that most often, when a man is being kind and compassionate with a woman it is “transactional.” He’s “doing” kindness and compassion to impress her or to win favor.
When you encounter a man who is not trying to impress you, but is simply so confident that he can afford to be generous of spirit, a man who is kind and compassionate to the waiter having a bad day… the man you who is kind and compassionate when you he doesn’t know you are watching… I think very few women aren’t turned on by that kind of man.
I agree with you and Pam here. Nothing is more of a turn on than a man who seems to genuinely care, he is not a phoney just literally there to charm your panties off. E.g. asking if I am alright and doing so genuinely and naturally, not because he is trying to impress me. Often, the guy who ask this question does so when I am not even conscious of the fact that I am not alright, it is only when he asks that something in me is tapped and I realize “actually no can we move to a warmer place because the concrete stairway we are sitting on is too uncomfortable for me”. The interesting thing is I know I am more perceptive than the average Jane so I can tell most of the time whether the guy genuinely cares or is out to impress. Lesson I am still struggling to master – listening to and acting on my 6th sense. But oh, it is so great when the guy show signs of caring and I in return, feel that he is doing what comes naturally to him. Love a guy who receives and gives love.
Hi. The best lover I ever had also had the smallest penis I ever came across. it was who he was as a man that turned me on 100%. I was wet and gagging for it just thinking about him. he could bring me to orgasm with his tongue in 30 seconds. I was obsessed and besotted with him for 8 1/2 years even though he was a rude arrogant bugger! I had to push him away in the end because it was eating away at my self esteem, but boy was it difficult! I just knew that I had to value myself more. The thing is, the best sex is disrespectful (dirty if you like), but you just have to be respectful outside of the bedroom or the woman’s conditioning won’t allow it to continue. So treat her like a lady outside of the bedroom and a slut between the sheets and you can’t go wrong. I would judge myself as a 9 and him as a 10, if only it had been the other way around. The worst lover I ever had also had the biggest penis. He was an extremely attractive man physically,a very successful business man and he’d had loads of women in his time, but get his clothes off and he was a lost little boy as far as I could see. As soon as he gave me an orgasm (I pretended, you just know when its hopeless) he was saying ‘my turn my turn’. He projected a complete lack of confidence which was ‘catching’. I wanted it to work so I tried several times but it a was uncomfortable and embarrassing because he was such a wuss even though he had an enormous dick. So for goodness sakes you lot forget the size of it, be confident and masculine. Lead the process. Tell her you want her and you want her now. Push her about (gently). Tell her to bend over because you’re gonna take her, and she will die with pleasure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you Claire! There is so much wisdom for men in this post, so many subtleties and nuances for a man to examine and learn from.
Yes!!! Omg, this sounds like someone I know and a situation that I’m in. On the smaller side but he turns me on like crazy. He is the same way, little bugger, and I hope I don’t spend that long on him! It can hit your self-esteem. Geez, I wonder if it’s the same person!! But yes, “Lead the process. Tell her you want her and you want her now. Push her about (gently). Tell her to bend over because you’re gonna take her, and she will die with pleasure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Men they either have it are they don’t. And I’m not talking about penis size
They either know what turns a woman on and what to say and how to touch her and how to really make her feel like she is the only one that can make him feel good sexually and emotionally are they don’t have a clue
Yes I have been with some smooth talkers and they can talk your clothes right off of you then they seem to not know what to do are it’s all about pleasing them self to be pleased in bed it’s an equal play if a man makes me feel wonderful I will be more into making him feel just as good.
Size has nothing to do with it for me I much prefer a man that knows how to make me have an”o” then a big penis that is useless Most guys with big penis are all about them self I think they are so into their Big penis they forget that it’s suppose to be used for making a woman feel good not one to show and brag. It’s just my opinion.
I completed the survey but did not see where to send. What I like to say is hygiene for me tops the list then the personality – is he kind, caring, and can he laugh? Just sense of humour, I am not out looking for a comedian. Can we reach out to each other emotioanally? Is he OK with being a man? Physical looks are nice-to-have, they are really not on top of my list. The size of the penis does not matter to me, what matters is what he can do with it plus other things, in other words – is he a skilled or at least considerate lover?
Penis that’s too big is a major turn off for me! I always think its going to hurt me…even if it doesn’t. I am more comfortable with small to medium size. I also like a man who is warm, kind, able to relax and just enjoy the mutual loving, not the kind entirely into himself. Dislike fat or obese….
Unable to complete the survey, looks like there’s a problem with the format. The questions and answers are not fully visible- cut off at mid sentence. ..please check into it.
Hi Ariene, the survey should have a scroll bar that allows you to scroll down to answer the questions. You may want to try re-loading the page. Unfortunately I think there is also a feature that only allows you to take the survey once, so it may not function for you a second time 🙁
I think now that I am post menopausal, a smaller width is easier to accommodate due to lubrication, thinner skin etc. When I was younger it didnt matter. Visual fantasy is a large penis but reality is something else. It matters more how the man makes you feel, emotionally. Average size makes intercourse & oral better from my standpoint. A small penis may not penetrate very far & that may make a difference to the man, but doesnt bother me. Sometimes i think the porn industry does a lot to make men & women feel insecure by portraying these men with huge penises pounding away at these hot young women.
The idea of the hard 8″ penis (bigger just scares me) is a turn on, but I prefer skill to size. The average size is best for me. I love both tongue and finger manipulation, but have found over the years that without my husband’s dick inside me and getting off from it, the other is just a stop gap. Being in our 60’s, we have found the importance of penis hardness and the ability to keep it that way til climax of utmost priority.
I just love reading your stuff it’s so informative and I love how your helping men/women come together more. I was married a long time to a man who became obsessed with his penis size. I tried to reassure him but it didn’t help he suffered from many things insecurity, obession, jealousy, bi-polar, and addiction so I’m not sure if any of these things came into play or all of them did. I have been divorced for 6 years and dated a number of men now with various size and width ranges. Honestly if it’s to big 81/2 or larger and they are rough sex is not pleasant and women can experience tears etc. it is also harder to give oral sex especially if they think you should be able to fit it all down your throat like a sword swallower…lol. I have had a few men that were average about 5″ which were fine they knew how to move their bodies and woman on top is great for this also. I notice that when the drink to much it can be a problem aka whiskey dick. I had 1 guy 10″ who only had partial hard ons and it would bottom out on me I was sore at the bottom of my vagina. Today I prefer a range 5-7″ it seems to fit better and feels better not to sore just enough. I hope this helps Alex for passion.
I will say that I am looking at the whole package for long term a man that knows how to be kind, gentle, caring helping you are real pluses and I will reward him for those nice qualities.
I am a very giving person when men listen it’s a huge turn on. Women want to feel like they matter not like a piece of meat.
I love the dick!
Whatever the size, the shape, whatever! If it’s healthy, and erect, it’s a miracle of life. The fact that it’s here and is standing up for the love of me is everything. Do you realize that an erect penis symbolizes life? Life comes from it in the form of sperm and it’s capable of creating life, when deposited in the womb of a woman. So who cares if it’s small, or bendy, or thick, or thin, isn’t that a miracle that we are here together, and we want each other, and we are able to create the miracle of life if we choose to do so!?
I don’t know what could be said to men to make them care a bit less for their penis size…. I could come from Alfa and Omega, saying that the larger penis has a bigger chance of making a woman pregnant and I could end up at today’s porn industry, saying that it is destroying our sex lives, both men’s and women’s.
In my experience, it’s a catch 22 kind of situation. He knows he has a small penis, feels embarrassed about it, stays a virgin for waaaay too long, and when he does begin his sex life, he is a wreck because a) his self esteem is super low b) his experience is zero c)he’s such a wuss, he expects his woman to do all the “initiation” work. Hence, many failed attempts at sex that just reinforce his opinion that it’s all about the size. My ex started his love life at 30 and he was the classical example of the aforementioned situation (he was not the first one of his kind in my life). I left him because I just couldn’t deal with the wrongness of the image he had of himself. And can you believe that his family instilled in him the idea that it’s too small??? (it was totally average size, by the way, but being a black man, he had to contend with THAT stereotype, too)
What I have to say to men (irregardless of their penis size).
Honey, what makes you good in bed is not the size of your penis. It’s how you treat your woman outside of bed, how confident you are in yourself, and how much effort you put into making that relationship work.
In a few sentences:
a) start sex early (not at 14, but you get the message)
b) do it often (it will get better every single time, even if you don’t think it’s possible anymore)
c) ask, ask, and tell. Ask your woman what is it that she likes, ask her to show you, even…. and in return, do the same for her. Experiment things that you hear or read about…. and for goodness sakes
d) DO NOT CONSIDER PORN A WAY TO LEARN ABOUT SEX!!!
I think men should relax about size, it’s not that important to women with sexual maturity. When you are young & it’s all about the 20 second pump & dump, there’s not much else to focus on, or tell your girlfriends about.
As you mature & learn to connect emotionally & gain better skills, it’s really not that important. Personally by the time I have sex with a guy, I have to be seduced by his mind, personality & have a mental connection, the rest follows beautifully. Wouldn’t worry me if he dropped his pants & it was tiny, because it’s just a step further in connection. When I love him, I love all of him, he’s my hero.
It’s always about connection, not size. Comes times in lives where sex may not be possible due to ladies stuff etc, so if you don’t have a beautiful mind & soul connection, you have nothing. Just being an understanding nice guy, is a huge turn on for most women. Sex isn’t a separate part of a relationship, it’s a beautiful part of the whole story.
IMO, small to medium is better than really big. You can do more with it if it’s smaller, it won’t hurt (as much, if any). And if a guy gets his penis bigger, can it go back to being smaller? I don’t think so. Big penises hurt, I mean unless you’re a slut that needs a really big penis to fill you up. But for most women it would be too much.
Don’t try to enlarge your penises guys.
To me a man that is sexually confident & skilled is more important than the size. Like they say…its not the size of the ship, its the motion of the ocean! But all in all….it is nice to have at least 6 to 7 inches.
I’ve been with very small men (2 inches erect) and guys who are larger than average. So long as his penis can reach my vagina, it’s all good. That said, I’ll take smaller than average over larger than average because the former doesn’t cause pain. The latter can.
But really, when all is said and done, size is insignificant in comparison to his personality, his confidence and his overall skill are much more important. A guy who is kind, faithful, sexy, romantic and reliable will win me over regardless of his penis size. If his other sexual skills compensate for a tiny penis size, all the better, but lots of things are more important than the size of his penis.
Heck, one of the best lovers I ever had had erectile dysfunction because he was a considerate lover who had lots of other skills.
I go for the MAN, not the anatomy.
Guys are putting themselves through hell worrying about this and here I thought us girls were preoccupied with their boobs. Average is perfect as long as he is skilled, takes his time, and gives me what I need for the big ‘O’. Like the lady before said, if you cant get it all in your mouth, it’s excess. I want to please him like he does me. He treats me with kindness, respect and the closeness at the end is spectacular! It’s not huge, but I don’t need it that way because he is confident and knows what to do with what he has and that is a giant turn on! I get wet thinking about him.
(please don’t publish my e-mail name)
December 7, 2013
In my case, I am a BBW girl, pennis of course is important, I am not able to feel anything with a small, a big and thick one, MAKES THE DIFFERENCE!
Men can be over-stressed about the size. I personally think size matter somewhat but the main part is the motion of the boat so to speak. Give me an average size and I’m good as long as he knows what he is doing. I’ve had a very large penis before and it wasn’t pleasant and I ended up not having sex with him anymore because of the size. Women don’t want a size that you can’t concentrate on anything but how uncomfortable it is. Like Cathy, 6-7 or even 8 is good. Anything above that?????? Furthermore, to me it’s more than the size. I must be attracted to him. Unlike men, women tend to take everything in when meeting a guy such as his confidence, his demeanor, his intelligence, etc
As men can’t change the size of their penis anyway, why even think about too small (or too big) at all?!
Usually if you start dating a guy you don’t know what’s in his pants. You meet him, get to know him, fall for him and at one point have sex. By that time I don’t really care how big he is. If a guy is turned on, AND confident in what he has to offer, that’s all I want!
With that said, yes, I do like to look at a bigger penis. And I think size matters, a little bit at least, and it could make good sex better and great sex greater, but I don’t think it could make bad sex good.
Oh, and I never met a woman how would love a guy less for his small/big/medium penis. Never. Ever.
Thanks Mel… while you’ve never met a woman who love a guy less for his penis size, 20% of the women on the survey… 1 in 5… said that they have broken up with a man because of his small penis, and 15% have broken up with a man because it was too large.
The good news is that there are a lot of different people out there attracted to different things, and while we all probably agree that physical attributes shouldn’t matter AT ALL in the game of love, there is no shame in being human and having preferences.
It seems that most off us agree that the ideal man has a good warm loving heart. And with that heart, he will want to please a woman so he will want to be a skilled lover who is always open to learning. Size really doesn’t matter as much although it seems most women prefer an average sized penis to a too small or too big penis. All of us are very grateful for your informative messages and videos Alex. You are a good man!
Thanks for seeing me that way Dawn. I really do try to be!
I was married to a man for nearly ten yrs thst would tell you himself that his ” earth shaking 4″ erwould make you see things in a while new light” lmfao! He was not very tall but was fit. He had dark eyes and hair that melted me. He liked to sneek up behind me and nuzzle My neck. It sent chills down my spine. He dressed nice, fedora and all- and stopped for me for my birthday. He took his time undressing me bc ” its too beautiful a job to rush”. I was so inspired once by his oral attentions that I pushed a 200lb bookcase off the back of our waterbed, lol. He grinned, winked n said ” I told the neighbors to expect the thunder today!” Sadly, he has passed away. I liked when he pushed the boundaries of what was” nice”. He wisely did it gently but firmly. If I said no he stopped instantly n moved onto something else without ruining the mood. He would say” don’t like that trick baby? I got millions left to try”. I gave me such soul shaking orgasms I would cry. Like at weddings or when ur first child is born. He treated me like a queen outside the bedroom and like his favorite girl ( you know the girl guys try all the ” dirty” stuff with when single) in the bedroom( or wherever).
He *stripped for me, lol. Sorry about all the typos. I got choked up bc I miss him so much-not just in bed but Certainly there too.
Amen. I got choked up reading it. You do his memory great honor.
This is such a beautiful eulogy D. Your man was a true master of love, and you just brought a tear to my eye.
I couldn’t answer the survey as I couldn’t get the ticks to happen 🙁
For what its worth, the key to great lasting passionate sex with a woman comes from contact.
I know for men, they fall more in love in a woman’s absence, but Im afraid fellas, the sexual attraction seems to die when I don’t feel connected to my man…. and that will even over-ride how great his penis is, how wonderfully fulfilling he is in bed and how gorgeous he is.
When men are doing the masculine hero thing and working long hours, bringing home great bacon and relaxing silently when they’re home in front of the TV…. I feel my passion for him dying! I know its not fair; its frustrating for me and for him.
The key here is balance! If men knew how easy it was to keep a woman keen and interested in fun wonderful sex…. they’d stop trying so hard in areas that simply don’t matter that much….. not to the relationship anyway.
Id rather a poor, kind, interested man with a small penis (maybe not too small) than a rich good looking busy man with a great shlong!! A woman’s sex drive comes from feeling beautiful and that feeling feeds her sex drive to the point where being touched and feeling physically close to a man makes her crawl the walls with desire!
If a woman is crawling the walls with desire, she going to make any penis work for her, whether it be fantastic oral (which is only possible with a small-average penis) or simply manouvering herself in a way that gives her the most pleasure…… 95% of her pleasure comes from HER!!
Let her use your body as her play ground and see what happens!!
The survey is also cut off for me too. I tried reloading and different Browsers.
Since I use condoms, and have given birth, I cannot feel a small penis. I am doing Kegels daily.
It’s the chemistry of me and my sexual encounter that matters. The men who satisfy me sexually are not great partners for long term. What is exciting is a masculine man, who is passionate and not inhibited. I have found European or Latino men NOTFrom the US know the art of seduction and romance the best. They tease you with the romance. They turn you on like you didn’t know was possible. Yet then they leave you broken hearted in the end.
I am in my late 40s and wonder does a good man exist who is sexually gifted? Someone that cares, wants to fall in love, yet can take charge, plan great dates, masculine, make me feel perfect for him, feel beautiful, accepted and knows sexual techniques to bring me to orgasms?