After hundreds and hundreds of conversations with women about men and sex, one thing is crystal clear: Women are dying for real men who trust themselves to be men and who are comfortable being a masculine partner.
And after hundreds of conversations with men about sex, women, and relationships, it’s becoming starkly plain: The vast majority of men are not confident being that man.
Most men I talk to say the same thing… they feel close, they feel like they are just on the border of really stepping into their masculine power, but something is holding them back. And so they feel like most of the time, they are “faking it,” and pretending to be the man that they know they are not.
I am committed to making this my top project for 2015 and I NEED YOUR HELP.
Please take some quiet and uninterrupted time to thoughtfully answer these questions. Your opinions, ideas, and your honesty really matter to me and to this project:
(**If you are one of my female readers, I know it’s tempting, but please do not mess up the data by taking this survey yourself. Feel free to leave your thoughts in the blog comments below. Thanks!)
An excellent series of questions. Lots of overlap among them, but that’s as it should be.
Had some difficulty navigating the survey. It was cut off on the right to such a degree that not all of the introductory comment for each series of questions could be read. Also had trouble discovering how to move to each successive section.
Sorry for the technical difficulty with the page… you might try re-sizing the browser window. It should be simple to scroll through.
Although we had talked regularly, I was recently able to visit my dad after about 20 years. He is post Chemo and was/is on the mend. It was scary to see him in such a weakened state. But I was glad to spend time with him. He always tells me that he is proud of me but because of my challenges with my divorce, estrangement from my daughters and women in general, I don’t feel as proud of my self as I would like. Luckily, his 2nd wife is a great person. It made me realize that I don’t have such a woman in my life.
A great reminder of the qualities a man can aspire towards and embrace.
i find it so hard to show my true feelings around people and still feel masculine. i feel that showing our true feelings should be a part of being a man. I want to be with a woman who wants me to be open and honest with her about everything in my life so she can be my partner in this thing called life. but sometimes i feel ashamed and try to hide how i truly feel so that no one will know the real me. so i guess i am faking something.
A majority of women I have met, in particular women who call themselves “Christian”, lament over the wimpy men they meet. They long for a strong masculine man for whom they can be their full feminine selves. Decisive men, who take charge in a way that respects and validates others yet provides the leader they truly want. This is particularly true in regards to the sexual aspect of their lives, but not exclusively. Alex, I applaud your efforts to correct this situation to help men discover and embrace their full masculinity.
u should let us click a box then let us answer in our own words .bob
Hi Alex. Survey was good. I have being suffering anxiety for over a year. This sucks. I am not feeling sorry for myself, just want to be the man I’ve always wanted to be, not wallowing in self pity. I am trying to develop my Alpha side in a kind and positive way. Steve..
Looking forward to what the survey results show
Okay Alex, for most of my life because of my worldview I was very negative, lost with very little self esteem and self worth.
Always the out cast, the unloved, the one that wasn’t allowed to protect himself or even have fun, but was meek, mild rejected, boring and very alone.
I’ve been doing writing exercises a lot lately, heart sob story’s of how I felt during past terrible incidents in 1st person, then rewriting in third person, visualizing the incident and swishing away in my mind and have made a lot of progress and now call bs on some of my old world view and feel a greater sense of peace and power.
Also, I have been visualizing myself having meetings with other parts of me, Ego, Spirit, Child, Romantic John etc. usually the meeting table and Johns go on as long as I can imagine in my head. This has also helped a lot.
After being alone sporadically so long (I’m 40) how do I take that first physical step into this new world where life is good and I have some control and keep committed to moving forward? Is it just really a choice?
Tried doing your survey for some reason could no scroll down to do more
Thank you so much for this series of questions. I answered them all, it already helped me to be more aware of where I’m standing today as a man. This is of incredible value to me.
Cheers & looking forward to what you’re preparing for 2015.
The educational clips on particular issues ie “how to kiss a woman”ver helpful.
A weekly educational clip with visuals would be both informative and motivational
After many years of study and teaching my self and others one element of human condition is a stumbling point in my mind . When u really consider the want and the need to improve u see its necessary . It’s not optional . So then what’s the issue ? In my mind it is one word . Insecurities , what ever they may be . These little scraps of perceived truth are the fences that determine our limits . I’ve spent the last 10 years of my life attempting to identify and destroy mine . I think u are a one off . Your approach to life is not common and I thank u . I feel a connection to your work that inspires me to improve . Thank you for your honesty .
This has been said many times: To love another you must first love yourself. Shortcomings are the human condition. Embracing them rather than hiding and ignoring them are the way to improvement. Acknowledgement and perspective defuse their power over us….Thanks Alex for your guidance! Bob
I’m almost 21 yrs old, and I’ve thought about of all of these things. I’ve been alone most of my life. No friends or family I was close to, no men in my life to look up to as role models, anxiety, no real emotional support. I’m not saying this to have people feel sorry for me, or that I feel sorry for myself, because I don’t. Most people just say “Oh, you’re young. You have plenty of time to figure things out,” or “Grow some balls and just be a MAN!” (pretty much all the women in my life. my mom’s the worst btw). But without any clue or guidance from someone, that makes it tough to do, which could pretty much go on most of your life and affect many parts of it. & then you reach a certain age and you might have some of those same problems, sometimes not even knowing what they are. Well enough babbling 🙂 I’m saying this because I’m glad someone’s addressing this topic to help men in general..
Hey Dan, thanks for sharing your story. I wanted to take a brief moment to tell you that you’re miles ahead of most men because you’re actually in the inquiry, you’re on the seeking path, you’re in the conversation to find your way.
It would be very easy to look at your circumstance and use it to justify your confusion around being a man. The counter-intuitive truth is that nearly ALL men have some story that they use to do the same, and those that don’t have a story, are often the ones with the most shame around their confusion, and are most attached to hiding that shame.
OK, where’s the “enter” button at the end? My survey was cut off on the right, too, Just barely able to check the far right boxes.
Try re-sizing your browser window. Sorry for the technical issues.
Good survey, it covers the important points from various angles. The question of my father is a difficult one. My father is 99 years old and in comparatively good health. The unfortunate thing is that I find it verty hard to respect him as a man. He is a role model mainly in showing me how I do not want to be, how I do not want to love. Luckily I did have other male role models when I was a youth, and now have the material of other men such as Scott McKay and yourself. You are doing an incredibly valuable job.
I am 80 and a diebetic with heart and lung problems 5-6 and170# desent shape want to get to 160# I have ed problems like attempting to have sex . the wife isn’t very sexy she is in good shape but its hard to know if she is enjoying it .love playing with her till she comes then inserting it buy its not hard enough to make her come again .see a lot of things on computer to make it harder and bigger and last longer but don’t think they will help me with my problems. tried answering above but didn’t realy know where to put the check marks ..bob
Being part of this community really helps. Keep up the good work Alex and all you men!
I am 30 yo combat vet now divorced twice , have no idea what went wrong in either case. Have all but given up on relationships, hope my input helps.
Good survey , during the Holidays dynamics get all stirred up and all hell breaks loose , asks questions for a mental reset of priority’s!
Alex, I’ve Been Married 30 Years Come Jan 18 2015. From Where My Life Is I Would Say That The Most Important Thing To Women Is That A Man Is Honest, And Has The Ability To Express Himself & His Feelings. That He Is Masculine To Some Degree, But Not To The Point That He Is Overbearing. Women Also In My View like A Man Who Has Good Leadership Skills About Them & Knows How & When To Cake Control Of Things, Especially In The Love Making Area. They Like A Man Who Can Show Kindness & Respect To Them & Others. Hope All This Helps.