April 1, 2014

24990295_sIt seems like every day there is a new study showing that what we used to think was true… is the opposite of the new findings.

Scientists now say that chocolate, which used to be the ultimate sin, is a superfood that is good for you, Vitamins A & E which we’ve been taking as supplements increase risks for sorts of diseases, and those indestructible Nalgene containers that hikers used to love were leeching BPAs into the water…

Well, I’m about ready to quit after hearing the latest scientific evidence released in a joint 17 year study by Harvard Medical School, Oxford University in London, The Mayo Clinic, Stanford, MIT, and Johns Hopkins University showing conclusively that…

Sex is bad for your health.

According to the new findings, for every orgasm you have, you’ll cut approximately 1 week from your life span.

Additionally, prolonged sex causes an elevation in heart rate that taxes the cardiovascular system, and causes the release of endorphinosmegmoids that can not only clog arteries, but also can lead to faint white marks on your sheets.

Even oral sex is implicated, as oral sex for either gender can raise total carbohydrate intake over the course your normal weekly diet.

19533294_sAccording to Doctor Richard Swelling, “The results were unambiguous. In every variable we measured, from psychological well-being to overall physical health, an increase in sexual intercourse was seen as detrimental to humans.”

In fact, I think the most surprising thing that was unveiled in these studies was that couples who had sex more than 4 times per week were 10 times more likely to be depressed and dissatisfied with their lives.

And worse, a great sex life turns out the be the #1 predictor for early divorce in married couples.

Time for me to find a new line of work.

I’m so so sorry,


* * *

April 1, 2016…

And as most of you figured out… April Fools!

And as I hope you know: Every reliable scientific ever done says that good sex is GREAT for your health…

We should all be doing a lot more of it!

It’s unanimous… whether it’s:

– mental/emotional health,

– cancer,

– cardiovascular health,

– chronic pain,

– stress,

– better sleep,

– elevated moods,

– or anything else you’d care to think of…

More sex = better life!

Sex reduces the risk of cancer: The Journal of the American Medical Association says that men who ejaculated more frequently were less likely to get prostate cancer (with apologies to all of you guys who practice Zen ejaculation abstinence).

Sex reduces the risk of heart attack and stroke: The Department of Epidemiology at the New England Research Center says, men who have sex twice or more per week were at a much lower risk for cardiovascular disease than men who have sex once per month or less… (and for you fellow science-geeks, yes, this data accounts for and adjusts for the fact that age or a pre-existing cardiovascular condition might cause a man to desire less frequent sex).

Sex further lowers heart attack risk by balancing testosterone and estrogen levels in the blood: During one study, men who had sex at least twice a week were half as likely to die of heart disease as men who had sex rarely.

Sex improves the immune system: Researchers at Wilkes University in Pennsylvania found that college students who had sex once or twice a week had higher levels antibodies compared to students who had less sex.

Sex improves sleep, and if you’d care to google it, improved sleep is a powerful factor in a huge array of health related benefits from immune system to heart disease to psychological well-being.

Sex eases stress, and if you’d care to google it, improved stress is a lot like improved sleep!

Sex improves bladder control in the elderly.

Sex lowers blood pressure.

Sex improves emotional well-being.

Sex reduces chronic pain, and studies have shown that it effectively reduces the pain associated with migraines.

Sex counts as exercise.

Sex improves relationships and feelings of connectedness and closeness.

Sex improves overall satisfaction with life.

In other words… let’s all commit to having more sex, better sex, and healthier, more enjoyable lives.

Thank you so much for being a subscriber to The Allman Report!

For Passion,