It can show up as jealousy, passive aggressive behavior, or subtle punishment of your partner for being attractive…
Absolutely every one of us has some insecurity. In the right circumstance, with the right conditions, all of us can be made to feel that hollow feeling of impending loss– that we’re just not good enough.
Most of the time the feeling is based on NOTHING.
And yet, most of the time, that feeling can CAUSE the problem to become very real.
One of the best ways to work on creating a more passionate, more communicated, more intimate, and more secure relationship is to go to work on your own sexual insecurities.
IMPORTANT TAKE-AWAYS TO REMEMBER:
1) Confidence is sexy! (Insecurity… is not).
2) Your insecurities can become “self-fulfilling prophesies”. When you feel insecure or jealous, it’s vital to ask yourself…
Is this real?
Do I know for a fact this is real… or could this somehow just be me?
How would this situation change if I forced myself to show up as confident right now?
3) Often when our lover does something attractive — they lose weight, gain muscle, get a high status promotion, buy a sexy new outfit, make a great joke at a party that everyone loves — it can have the effect of making us INSECURE.
It’s crazy, really, but our own sense of deserving is challenged if everyone in the room is attracted to our partner. Can I really expect my partner to stay with me if secretly I don’t think I deserve it?
The result of this internal dialog is to subtly punish our partner for displaying attractive qualities.
Can you see the problem here?
Your partner actually starts becoming less attractive when YOU are around.
That obviously makes it less for YOU… And worse, ultimately that feeling of being less than their best selves when you’re around is going to make your fear of being undeserving into a reality: Your lover realizes that they are actually better off without you.
The antidote is uncomplicated but hard:
When that voice of doubt starts nagging you, tell it to shut the hell up.