In this interview with my good friend Patrycia Slawuta (Pati), we talk about the roots of true confidence and some simple, powerful tips for dealing with the shame that prevents us from feeling confidence.
Pati is currently doing her doctoral thesis on the subject of shame, and her insights are just fantastic.
Pati says, “confidence is about feeling safe to be one’s self,” and that means learning how to effectively deal with the “shame spiral”… when we feel an emotion of self doubt, then feeling shame for feeling that way, which makes it worse, which makes us even more ashamed of ourselves.
Take aways from this video:
1) “Confidence is about feeling safe to be one’s self”
2) When we feel shame, it usually triggers fear and anger – and other humans are HIGHLY attuned to fear and anger in others – which makes people want to avoid you (socially, professionally, intimately, personally, or even casually).
3) You can use open body language to powerfully counteract shame. When you feel shame (or fear and anger), open your body language, stretch your chest upwards, take up space… you’ll instantly feel significantly better. (This works).
4) You can also break the shame spiral by focusing your attention on your current sensory perceptions. Become aware and focused on the details of what you are seeing, hearing, smelling, feeling.
5) Ready to make positive changes? Don’t force yourself to be more positive NOW. It’s a recipe for failure and more shame. Instead, give yourself 30 days in which to experiment and try things out, giving yourself full permission to fail royally and repeatedly along the way. Failures are absolutely necessary to travel the road towards success.
** NOTE THAT THIS INTERVIEW IS PART OF A MUCH LONGER AND MORE DETAILED INTERVIEW INSIDE THE SEXUALLY CONFIDENT MAN PROGRAM.
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