Tell me if this sounds familiar...

   Your girlfriend steps out of the shower and she
looks beautiful... and you ask her if you can just
look at her for a moment and enjoy the sight of
her body, but she gets insecure and quickly puts
a towel over herself...

   Or... You heard about a great way to drive to
your girl wild when you go down on her, and when
you want to try it out, she gets shy and tells
you she doesn't want you "going down there"...

   Or... When you are making love and she is
getting closer and closer to coming... and just
as she seems about to lose control and have the
orgasm of her life, she clenches her legs around
you and stops you from making her come...

   Or... Any of a hundred other little things
that women sometimes do that show that she is not
as sexually comfortable and open as you'd like
her to be.

   First of all, if you are nodding your head off
your shoulders right now-- no, I am not psychic. 

   It turns out that these situations are
extremely common.  In fact, I get emails from
guys asking about these EXACT situations all the
time.

   "my girl tells me to stop when she's about to
come..."

   "why won't she let me give her oral sex?..."

   "how do I bring up anal sex..."

   "I want to try giving her multiple orgasm but
she..."

   You get the idea.

   Rather than spend a newsletter on each one of
these issues, I've decided to deal with the more
general issue here.

   There are things that you want her to do with
you in bed-- and for one reason or another, she
is either not interested, or very strongly against
doing it.

   Now sometimes these are things that you want
her to do for YOUR own pleasure.  Things that
particularly turn you on, and since she is the
woman you are with (perhaps even the only woman
you ever intend to be with again if you are
married), you want HER to be the one you explore
these things with.

   I'm talking about things like anal sex, having
her swallow your come after giving you a blow job,
letting you take pictures of her nude, or
fulfilling some other fantasy of yours, etc.

   OR-- Is the thing you want to do
something that is really for HER?  You want to
give her pleasure because you love her or because
you want her to have as good an experience as you
do... and you want her to have a BETTER experience
than she ever has with other men before you.

   In this case I'm talking about things like
letting you go down on her or making her come...

   And, yes, there are many women who can be
very shy about these things and have a lot of
difficulty allowing a man-- even a man they love--
to do these things with them.

   Now while on the surface these things may seem
very different (and in some respects they are),
they very frequently have the same types of causes,
and, more importantly, the same solutions.

   The thing that can be so difficult for men in
these situations is that when this happens it
feels very personal. 

   Part of the reason is that it is so different
from what you always hear about women.

   If you watch "Sex In the City" or read any
women's magazines, you would get the idea that
every woman just wants more oral sex and they are
all just searching for a man with a marathon
tongue.

   And then you find yourself dating a woman who
is very shy about her body or does not like it
when you go down on her... and you feel like
maybe there is something wrong with YOU.

   Well it turns out that there is nothing wrong
with you... not only that-- there is nothing wrong
with HER either.

   And if we are to be completely honest, the
other thing that can get into your head and drive
you a bit crazy is wondering if she was ever more
open, in the past, with some other guy.

   And if I am going to to be completely honest
in answering you, then I'll have to tell you that
that is completely possible, and not at all
uncommon.

   Why would a woman be shy with you-- the guy
she loves-- and more open with some other man from
her past that she was not in love with?

   This is not an easy question to answer.  But
to try to wrap our heads around it, we have to
look at some of the reasons why the women we are
with can sometimes be sexually shy in the first
place.

   These reasons range from simple, harmless stuff,
to very complicated and psychologically damaging
events in a woman's life.

   The first and most obvious thing to look at is
a woman's own self-image.  Does she think of
herself as a "good girl" or a "wild girl" and
what kind of sexual morals did she grow up with?

   Sex is not like any other subject, and it is not
like any other aspect of our personalities.

   It is much more complex.

   Not only are there social pressures (girls
grow up hearing that if they like sex too much
then they are 'sluts'), and religious pressures
(if you have certain kinds of sex you can go to
hell)...

   But also there are incredibly powerful and
confusing biological pressures on a woman's
mind.  She has powerful sexual urges and wants
sex just the same way that we men do... but also
she has a powerful instinct to be very careful
about who she has sex with because she is
biologically wired with the instincts to not want
quick and easy sexual entanglements that can leave
her pregnant and alone.

   All of these things mix into a great big,
confusing soup of emotions in a woman's head as
she grows into her sexual identity.

   Hey it's hard enough becoming comfortable with
your sexual identity as a man.  But for women it
can be a 100 times more complicated.

   And through all of this confusing emotional
soup, she forms a sexual identity for herself.  A
strategy for facing the world and the constant
pressure from men who want to have sex with her.

   Every woman has to set certain limits. 

   You have to understand that, especially for an
attractive woman, there is no way that she can
possibly have sex with every man that wants to
have sex with her.  She'd never get off her back!

   So very early in life she begins to draw
boundaries and rules for herself:  "I'll do this,
but I won't do that."

   Later in life, even after she is living with a
man that she loves, even after she is married, it
might not be so easy for her to let go of these
boundaries that have protected her since she was
old enough to notice men looking at her.

   Unfortunately, for some women, that includes
enjoying sex.  They grew up fearful of their own
lust... afraid if they fully gave in to sexual
pleasure, they'd never be able to stop.  They'd
become addicted like a cocaine addict.

   Is this fear rational?

   No, not really. 

   But for women that have this fear wired into
them (and in their own mind it is much more subtle
than this), it is left over from a time when they
were much younger and their sexual urges were
more confusing and inappropriate.

   So somewhere along the line, they made a rule
about not having so much pleasure from sex that
they'd lose control. 

   This may lead them to have trouble having
orgasms, or it may lead them to stop you before
they come-- even though they may orgasm when they
are masturbating.  It can even lead them to feel
ashamed of their bodies.

   The second reason that a woman may be
uncomfortable with certain aspects of sex is not
her self-image, but the image she wants to
project to YOU.

   Again, this is society, religion, and
upbringing that have probably messed her up.

   And this is also why it is possible that she
was more sexually open and experimental with other
men before you-- men she didn't like anywhere near
as much.

   It is BECAUSE she feels such strong emotions
with you that she doesn't want you to think that
she's "easy" or "dirty" or "too sexual."

   She has grown up knowing that this behavior
is fine for men who want an easy fuck, but if you
want a man to take you seriously and consider you
"marriage material" then you have to be more
sexually restrained.

   This is more than just playing "hard to get".

   It is not necessarily a conscious decision.

   It is an emotional feeling she has whenever she
is with you because she values you so highly. 
Because she is afraid of losing you.  And she
finds it hard to really just let go and be her
full sexual self.

   By the way-- a LOT of men have the same problem
in reverse.  Especially after they get married...
Even more especially after they have children--
It's very hard for them to see the mother of
their children as their wild sex-toy anymore.

   But the most difficult reason that women have
for these issues is that they were the victim of
some sort of childhood sexual abuse.

   The unfortunate fact is that this is much more
common than most men realize.

   I have seen statistics that say that 1 in 4
women were sexually abused in some way as
children.

   This could be something fairly minor-- an older
boy touching them in school when she found herself
alone-- or something incredibly damaging like
sexual contact from a trusted adult, like a
family member or close family friend.

   Women that have been abused in this way as
children will probably have some issues to work
out-- sometimes minor and sometimes major.

   They may have sexual shyness because they still
feel irrational "guilt" from the abuse, or they
may become very promiscuous, or a hundred things
in between.

   And to be clear and honest, in these cases
the answer to the problem may be something way
beyond what I can talk about in these newsletters,
and you may need to seek professional psychological
help-- both for her individually, and for the two
of you as a couple.

   If you are not yet at that level, here are
some things that you can try to work through these
things on your own.

   First of all, you must come to grips with this
absolute fact:

   YOU CAN'T TALK HER INTO IT.

   And you can't make any kind of rational or
logical argument that will make her realize
that really she should be willing swallow, or she
should want you to go down on her, etc.

   The issue you are dealing with is an EMOTIONAL
one... and you will never be able to get around
it with a LOGICAL answer.

   It will only get her upset or worse.  It is
a recipe for hurting her feelings, starting
fights, or hurting your relationship.

   Now, when I say that you can't talk her into
it or make a rational argument, that does not
mean that you can't be honest about YOUR feelings.

   If there is something that you want her to do
for you sexually, you should tell her that you
are willing to please her because you feel very
intimate with her-- and that you don't think
you are wrong to expect her to want to please you
too.

   But here is the IMPORTANT bit:

   DO NOT PUT ANY PRESSURE ON HER to comply with
your desire.

   Pressure = no sex.  Or, at best, bad sex.

   Let her know that SHE is the most important
thing and that you will be patient if necessary
until she becomes comfortable enough.

   Now here's the second IMPORTANT bit:

   DO NOT FAIL THE TESTS SHE IS ABOUT TO THROW
AT YOU.

   There is an approximately 100% chance that
when you tell her you want something that she is
not giving you, she is going to begin testing you.

   "Testing" is something that all women do to
men that they care about.  They don't do it on
purpose.  It is an instinctively formed trait
that helps them determine if you really love them
or if you are just trying to get them into bed.

   One must wonder why, after 10 years of marriage,
they must still test us!  But they do.  The wiring
is just built that way.

   So, you can expect her to say things like,
"Well, maybe you should break up with me and
get back together with one of your old girlfriends
that would love to do that kind of thing for you!"

   There are a thousand variations of this test,
but I think you know what I'm talking about.

   The proper response is... DO NOT TAKE THE BAIT
and let her start a fight over this.

   To pass her test, you should smile as if the
test is no big deal to you... kiss her on the
head or shake her playfully by the shoulders and
say, "don't be silly.  You know I only love you."

   Repeat this as many times as is necessary
until she quits throwing the test.

   This will be hard.  She may sucker you into
a fight.  Trust me, I have failed this one too
many times!  But I promise you, the quickest way
to get her past these issues is to pass the test
and NOT get suckered into a fight.

   The next step is to GET HER ON THE SAME TEAM.

   As long as it is "you want A" and "she wants
B" nothing good is going to happen.

   Once you have let her know what you want from
her, and let her know that, no matter how she tests
you, you are going to stay calm, happy, and in
love with her...

   The next step is to get onto the same team.

   You will say something like, "okay now that
we know you have an issue with this, and we both
respect your feelings about it, how are we going
to WORK TOGETHER as a couple to get through it?"

   Shut up and listen for a little while.  She
will probably give you some subtle hints about
what she needs.

   Repeat it back to her if you are confused, and
keep repeating it back until you get it right.

   This may be a bit frustrating at first because,
well, you know, women speak a very different
language.

   Also, at this point, she may test you again by
saying, "Never!"

   And if you tell her that this answer is
disappointing and that you want to WORK TOGETHER
as a couple to get past it, she may test you yet
again: "Go find some slut that likes that kind of
thing!"

   And again, you must gracefully pass her tests.

   Finally, remember that bringing it up all the
time is the same as pressuring her.

   Relax.  Try for it gently now and then.  Not
too often.  Be calm, patient, and loving.

   If the relationship is not that important, you
may have to consider that you guys are not that
sexually compatible and that you should move on.

   But if this is your wife we are talking about,
or a woman that you are in love with.  Just keep
being patient.

   When she is ABSOLUTELY SURE that SHE is more
important than the SEX thing that you want... she
will eventually give in or at least start working
on the same team with you to get past it.

   There is a term in golf that says, "you have
to play the ball where it lies."  Meaning, you
can't always choose your shot.  Where ever you
find the ball, that's where you have to hit it.

   It is the same with relationships.  You have
to accept her for who she is first.  Once you
accept her as she is, without expecting her to
change, and love her anyway, you will find that
change is easier for both of you.

   This is really the most important way for you
to deal with these issues.

   In my book I have several other, more
"technique" based ways of dealing with issues of
sexual trust. 

   And while I recommend all of them, in the end,
this is the one that is most important to
understand... because it is not just sex advice,
it is relationship advice.

   I recommend you understand these fundamentals
FIRST, and then, when you are ready, you can
deal with building sexual trust by learning the
ideas in the book that will let you tune into
her sexual blueprint.

   To find out more about it, or if you have
other areas of your sex life that you want to
improve, I highly recommend you download the
eBook, or at least check out the information and
free samples from the book here:

   CLICK HERE NOW