Women are not sexually attracted to guys who
act like a wuss in their relationship...

   Here's the thing-- part of this might be MY
fault. 

   See, I talk so much about how to PLEASE HER
in bed, that some guys might just be spending all
their time WORRIED about HER needs.

   In this week's mailbag I answered a bunch of
interesting questions from guys who are are not
yet confident about their sexuality and their
"masculine boundaries" within their relationship.

   At the end, I answered one question from a
guy that is totally secure and confident, and
totally GETS it. 

   Check out the difference and see which side
YOU are on...


***QUESTION***

Your latest newsletter didn't really help much. I
have downloaded and read your books, but I haven't
figured out how to overcome the feelings I get
because my wife isn't vocal at all in bed and
lately, she blocks me from touching areas on her
body that help me get aroused (breasts and vagina),
which she also won't let me see (she covers up
with sheets and refuses to let me pull them down
or crawl under them).

The no-look policy has been in place since we met,
because she's unhappy with her weight and how her
body looks, but the no-touch policy is fairly
recent. It started about a month ago, and has
gotten worse. If it was only a couple of days, I'd
understand it to be connected to her period or
going through menopause, but it's been steady for
over two weeks now.

She'll engage in sex, but acts like she wants to
get it over. When I tell her I think something is
wrong, because of the way she's responding, she
swears nothing is  wrong, that it's just a
situation right now, but won't explain anything.
I'm supposed to trust that it's nothing to do with
me, but I can't.

So, the only thing in your latest newsletter that
applies is that I have no confidence right now,
and without help from her, which she isn't willing
to give, I don't know how to gain any. Everything
I read in your books assures me that she will give
me clues, but she doesn't. I'm flying blind...HELP!
I'm tired of running into walls because I have no
idea what to do or not do. Any suggestions are
welcome!

          - B. from IN


>>>MY REPLY:

   Hey man, I am really sorry to hear about your
situation.

   Two things are very clear to me:

   1. You really care a lot about your wife or
you wouldn't be trying this hard and going
through all of this effort to help her.

   2. The problem ISN'T YOU.

   You should not let this affect your personal
confidence.  It's not your fault.

   There are many things that could be going on
in your relationship-- and specifically with your
wife.  And I can't play as if I have psychic
powers and know everything and can solve everything...

   But if a woman feels so badly about herself
that she has never taken her clothing off in front
of her husband, then she has some very serious
deep-seated psychological issues.

   Needless to say, she is not going to want to
hear that from you, from me, or from anyone else.

   Is there nothing you can do?

   Well, no, there ARE things that you can try,
that I believe might help...

   But it is possible that you she will need
professional help, the kind available from a
therapist or psychiatrist to sort her issues out.

   Anyway, as they say in golf, you gotta play
it where it lies... and you are in love with a
woman who has difficulty with her sexuality.

   Her "no look" and "no touch" policies are not
things you should have ever agreed to.

   Now, this is complicated because it is HER
body and you certainly can't force yourself on
her, even if you are married. 

   But the MARRIAGE belongs to you both, and you
have rights too.  It's clear she knows this and
that's why she still agrees to sex... she feels
like if she is not denying you sex, then you have
no right to complain if she sets all of these
other rules.

   But that is not quite fair and you never got
to vote.

   So short of getting her into couples therapy
where she can begin to work out her issues, the
only thing I can recommend is that you reinforce
your "masculine boundaries" in the relationship.

   You might consider telling her that the current
situation is simply unacceptable.  "No look" and
"no touch" does not work for you and she must
talk to you about this and work something out.

   If you do not want to leave her, then you
should not make any such threats.  Just tell her
that it is "unacceptable."  You love her and
you're not going anywhere, but you expect her to
show you enough respect and the love in return to
DEAL WITH HER ISSUES.

   Does that mean she needs to see a shrink?

   Maybe.

   Or maybe you need couple's counseling together,
or you need to read some books on overcoming
sexual/emotional trauma together.  It is possible
that she was sexually abused as a child and is
carrying guilt that you would think she was "bad"
if you knew.

   Many, many things are possible.  But she must
agree to work WITH you on the issue.

   I'll be honest-- some relationships cannot be
saved-- but it is my sincere belief that every
marriage deserves a lot of hard work before ever
considering giving up.

   Good luck.



***QUESTION***

hi alex. i am enjoying reading your newsletters and
i am finding them very helpful so please please
keep them coming...  Me and my girlfriend havent
started having sex yet because we both feel that
when we do have sex we want it to be special
because it is both our first times so untill that
happens we are more touchy feely than acctual sex.
I am kind of lost and have ran out of things to do
because i have used oral on her and my hands and
there is not much more we can do. I could never
let her use oral on me because i have too much
respect for her to go down n do that n she agrees
so what other ways can i pleasure her?
thanks.


>>>MY REPLY:

   What?

   Before I answer your question, we've got to
clear a few things up.

   I think it is perfectly fine that you two want
to wait before you lose your virginity.  It is a
completely personal decision and whatever you
think is right for you, is right for you.

   And if you don't want oral sex and she doesn't
want to give you oral sex... who am I to disagree?

   But... "respect"??

   Why isn't it disrespectful to you to go down on
her? 

   Hm?

   Is there something particularly dirty about you?

   I don't think so.

   Like I said, if she doesn't want to, you must
not force her or make her feel badly about it...
but if a woman is strongly attracted to you...
GENERALLY... she is going to REALLY ENJOY going
down on you.

   And either way, it is not a matter of "respect".

   Listen pal...  it seems to me that this girl
has got you wrapped around her little finger, and
that you are not really being authentic with her
or with yourself.

   As my very good friend David DeAngelo once
said: "Women do NOT respect wusses."

   If you don't want to have sex until marriage
for religious reasons-- I am totally cool with
that.

   But it doesn't sound like that's what you are
saying.

   See, I think you probably would love to have
sex with your girlfriend.  And I think you'd
probably enjoy some oral in the meantime.  But
she's just got you so grateful for even being
allowed to TOUCH her that you're just nodding
along with her and being her wuss-boy.

   Stop that.

   Okay, NOW I am going to answer your question
about what more you can do to please her beyond
oral and finger stimulation until you are both
emotionally ready for sexual intercourse:

   Be a MAN for her.  And give her the GIFT of
your honest and authentic self.

   Don't be afraid to disagree with her, argue
with her, or tell her exactly what YOU want.

   That doesn't mean be pushy or act like a jerk.

   Just be honest and cool about it.  Be okay with
the fact that you are a man with a man's desires.

   Because you know what would REALLY turn her on?

   If she felt the heat and power and honesty of
your masculine side. 

   It would make her feel sexy, desired, and very
hot if she knew that you WANTED her to give in to
you, and that you WANTED her to go down on you...
even if she's not ready yet.

   Dig me?

   No force.  No need to be weird or give her
guilt.  Just tell her what you want.

   Here are some specific things you could do to
turn HER on.

   Tell her to pose for you in a bikini (camera
optional).

   Tell her to dance sexy for you and just sit
back and ENJOY it.  Maybe even a lap dance would
be fun for both of you.

   Tell her to give you a long back rub and tell
her how great it feels when she touches you.

   Tell her to take off her clothing slowly and
let you enjoy looking at her and touching her.

   And tell her the other things you want to
do too... even if you've decided not to go ahead
and do them yet.

   Trust me, she'll respect you more, she'll be
much more attracted  to  you, and you'll both be
having a lot more fun.


***QUESTION***

I have a problem, and boy is it a doozy. I have
been with my girlfriend for over a year now, and
I love her to the bitter end.  But she is very
possessive and jealous and won't let me spend
time with those I hold dearest. For example, an
old friend of mine whom I haven't seen in a year
is moving across the country to go to university,
and his birthday party may well be the last
chance I get to see him, but she won't let me.
And one of my childhood friends - a girl - has
started to get into contact with me and I
desperately want to be friends with her the way we
used to, but I know that if I do then my girlfriend
will feel betrayed. I trust her completely, even
though she has a history of cheating, once even in
our relationship, but she doesn't understand that.

I know that I love her, but I feel like breaking
up with her might be the right thing to do, but at
the moment she's going through family problems and
if I dump her she'll have nobody else.

Please, I don't know who else can help me.

          - X



>>>MY REPLY:

   First of all... read the 2 replies above.

   That should do it.  Your problem is solved,
right?

   Okay, just in case, I'll lay it out straight
for you.

   Everyone feels jealous sometimes.  It's pretty
normal.  But when we really love someone, we just
have to learn to trust them.  Because, let's face
it-- if they want to cheat, they will. 

   You can't stop them - you just have to find
someone you believe in and trust, and then never
give them a REASON to cheat.

   One such reason is BEING JEALOUS ALL THE TIME.

   So look, your girlfriend has a PROBLEM with
jealousy and she should either get professional
help from a therapist... or you guys should very
seriously set the intention of working on it
together.

   It is NOT okay to just keep going along with
her little problem.

   And now we must talk about YOUR problem.  You
are acting like a wuss my friend, and you will
eventually lose her to someone else if you don't
man up.

   What do you mean, she won't "LET" you spend
time with those you hold dearest?

   Is she much bigger than you?  Does she keep
you in a cage? 

   No my friend, you are AGREEING to not spend
time with your dearest.

   People treat you exactly the way you TRAIN
them to treat you.

   The reason she doesn't trust you is because
she doesn't trust herself in a similar situation
and she just can't conceive that you might be a
more trustworthy person than she is. 

   Her jealousy is an excellent sign that she will
cheat on you again.

   She has no right to distrust you.  You have
done nothing wrong.  But you have excellent
reasons not to trust her.

   And she is going to have to grow up and realize
that she cannot control you just because she has
"trust issues."

   Her "family issues" do not give her the right
to abuse you.

   I'm not telling you to break up with her.  I'm
just saying it's time to tell her that you won't
be controlled. 

   If she can't handle that, I suppose she'll
leave on her own accord and chances are your next
girlfriend will NOT cheat on you because she will
see what kind of man you are.

   But I think this girl won't leave you anyway.  I
think once you tell her that it's NOT OKAY for her
to try to control your life, that you must have
BOUNDARIES (look it up on the internet or a book
on psychology), that she's going to be a whole lot
more attracted to you.

   Plus, because you are being more authentic, she
will begin to trust you a whole lot more.


***QUESTION***

hows it going alex? im 21 years old and from [...]
first of all just so you know im a premature
ejaculator...i just got out of a relationship with
this girl and i really really liked her...its been
damn hard ever since we did because we could have
been a great couple...ive been having a rough time
because i miss her so much but im just not good
enough in bed...that's sad to say we broke up
because i wasn't good at sex but that's just the
reality...we just werent getting along because she
said she was a sex driven girl and i just couldn't
do it...its obvious we werent meant to be but i
just dont want to go through that ever again its
just too painful...i tried 2 do something about it
when we were together though...that's how much i
liked her...i was doing this not only for me but
for her as well...but it was too late and she just
broke up with me...

now i bought your book and everything but i just
lacked the confidence to even try to fix my problem...

i lost my v-card on my 21st which was about 9
months ago...and ive only had sex maybe 8 times...
we did mess around quite a bit but not always sex...
even the times when we were just messing around id
"go" within second of her giving me a hand job!!!
its so frustrating... sometimes id be using my
fingers in her and shed really get off and id "go"
without even being touched down there it was weird..
i feel like a puss because of it...dont get me
wrong i gave her an orgasm every time we messed
around but we both wanted sex as well but i just
was not good at it...

i know i sound like a big baby but this is enough to
bring any guy down...once again thanks alex keep on
doing what youre doing...i hope any guy with this
problem comes to you for help i have the confidence
that you can save me...hope to hear from you soon...
take care buddy

          - A. from Washington


>>>MY REPLY:

   Relax man, I've got a lot of good news for you.

   First of all-- It's not at all strange to be
too quick on the draw your first 8 times.

   Second, it's twice as common if you personally
feel like you lost your virginity late... in other
words... YOU are insecure about it. (But, trust me,
losing your virginity at 21 is no big deal at all).

   Third, it's completely possible to not only
fix this problem, but to become totally in control
of your ejaculation given some time and work.

   And lastly... seriously, you are better off
without her.

   I know you really liked her.  I know there's a
big fat space where she used to be in your heart.

   But, I promise you, the biggest pain you are
feeling right now is not from missing her, but
from feeling inadequate,  and from feeling
rejected because of those inadequacies.

   A girl who breaks up with you because you're
not good in bed... it's not like you would
ever stay in a serious relationship with someone
that shallow, right?

   Read some of the emails from the these guys
who are sticking it out with their wives who have
sexual problems... you want a woman who has at
least as much character and integrity as these
guys.

   Plus, at 21, you are still just at the very,
very beginning of your romantic life.  You've got
a lot of dating in front of you, and, no doubt,
a lot of sex too... some will be great and some
not so good, and that's life.

   For what it's worth-- you will HAVE TO fix this
problem of not having enough "confidence to even
TRY to fix" your problem. 

   Because you MUST fix it, and you CAN fix it.

   The techniques in the book WORK.

   But, obviously, they are not going to work if
you don't have the balls to TRY them.

   In the meantime you could be practicing, twice
a day if necessary, by learning to control your
ejaculation during masturbation.

   This won't CURE you... but it will go a long,
long way to improving your confidence and to
improving your control.

   Next girlfriend you've got-- don't jump in the
sack right away.  Build some trust and be your
authentic self with her. 

   Tell her that you've got some issues around
sex before the first time you do it, and that you'd
like her help to resolve them.

   Also tell her that she's going to have lots
of fun because you can make her scream for hours
using your tongue and fingers (and if you have my
book, then that's a true statement).

   If she really likes you, she'll be very happy
to help you get over your issue...

   Then, make sure she enjoys the practice as much
as you do, don't get freaked out if it doesn't
work instantly, be calm, be cool enough to JOKE
about it, make it no big deal, DO NOT LET IT ROB
YOU OF YOUR MASCULINE confidence and cool in the
relationship. 

   With a bit of practice and patience using the
stuff from the book, you'll make huge improvements
fairly quickly.

   Just be cool.  If you feel like this situation
makes you feel less masculine, get over it. 
Maybe take some martial arts or boxing lessons or
something if that helps you get more in touch with
your male identity.

   I know you're all freaked out right now because
a woman just dumped you for a dumb reason and
you're taking it personally and letting it mess
with your ego. 

   But I promise, a year from now you'll have a
much hotter, much nicer girlfriend, and you'll
look back on this one leaving you as the BEST thing
that could have ever happened--

   Because even though it was painful, THAT WAS THE
MOMENT you started to change your life for the
better.


 
***QUESTION***

Hi Alex,

You spend a lot of time in your emails, and they're
great, teaching men the best ways to connect with and
stimulate their female partners. My question though,
is what can you tell us about what our partners can
do for us? Or in fact what we can do for us during
love making?

I love exploring heart and body with my partner but
still unconciously a lot of our love making focuses
on reaching higher levels of closeness often through
attempting to create more pleasure for her, but what
about us? Is it just that the female body has more
various ways of physical arousal than the male (and
when I talk about body, I mean body, heart and mind
of course)? My partner does amazing things to me and
for me but I wonder if there is something more or
deeper than I can feel. You're always talking about
rocking a woman's world through love making, and
blowing her mind, but do you have advice for how
we can blow our own minds as well? And not just
through the incredible satisfaction of giving our
partners such pleasure.

          - Yours, T.



>>>MY REPLY:

   Yes, yes, YES!

   Thank you so much for this really excellent
question. 

   When I read it, I honestly wanted to do the
entire Newsletter around just this one idea...
but then I realized that I needed you to balance
the ones above.

   So I'm going to give you some quick ideas now,
and then, I promise, I'll write a lot more about
this very soon in future Newsletters.  Okay?

   Just in the way you talk about this issue, it's
extremely clear that you have enormous sexual
confidence, that you've got a great relationship, and
that you've got a great woman who is completely crazy
about you... And I feel like there is something to
be learned for other guys just by reading through
your question.

   The main thing that guys should take away:

   Women LOVE to please YOU and give YOU a lot
of pleasure during sex too. 

   In fact, a great tip for being better in bed is
to just be more vocal about how much you are
enjoying it.  She'll love it!
 
   So now, on to some quick ideas that you and
your partner should share for YOUR pleasure.

>>> 1. WITHHOLDING YOUR CLIMAX

   You probably already know this one, but it's
just too important not to mention. 

   The longer you withhold your climax the more
powerful your orgasm is going to be when you
finally release. 

   This is something that she can participate in...
especially when it comes to oral... by constantly
stopping before you get all the way there.

   If you start feeling too crazy-- take a break.
Get a glass of water, relax, and then start again
slowly.

   As you reach higher levels of this practice,
try completely RELAXING the muscles down there
instead of tightening them to stop yourself
from coming. 

   Over time this will allow you to get much
closer to the edge and stay there for much longer.

   Not only will this give you wild pleasure, but
it is the first steps towards...

>>> 2. NON-EJACULATORY ORGASMS

   Yes, you can have multiple orgasms as a man...
if you can control your ejaculation.

   Breathing exercises are the key to this, and
by using the breath you can actually draw the
sexual tension out of your groin and wash it
through the rest of your body (this is a
visualization exercise), you will begin to feel
some very intense feelings of orgasmic pleasure.

   The longer you delay your orgasm, and the more
you can relax into the higher and higher states
of arousal, the closer you will get to achieving
this experience.

>>> 3. MIRRORS

   I know it's old fashioned and seems obvious--
but there's a reason for that... it's really fun.

   We men are visual beasts, and having her
really show off for you will make her feel really
sexy, and it'll turn you on like crazy.

   Experiment with mirrors and positioning them
in different places during sex so that you can
really enjoy SEEING her.

   Obviously the lighting should not be too dim.

   Sometimes the most erotic thing is to see her
face in positions where you normally can't...

   Try making love to her from behind while you
are both facing a mirror so that you can look
right into her eyes when she is coming. 

   It is a perspective you've probably never seen
before because you are further away and can see
her whole face.  I think you'll find it can be
unexpectedly beautiful.

   What's great about all of these little tips
is how much she will enjoy YOUR enjoyment.

   Since I first started this Newsletter, it seems
like there are basically two different types of
guys that write in to me with questions... and there's
a wide divide between them...

   Those who HAVE Sexual Confidence, and those who
DON'T.

   Over time I am hoping to see more and more guys
make the jump to the Confident side as they gain
the essential skills to get there.

   If you are ready to go from where you are now
to feeling the kind of easy connection to your
partner (and your own masculinity), then stop
putting it off and feeling sorry for yourself.

   Nobody is going to hold your hand and MAKE you
do this.  At the end of the day, if you never get
this issue settled in your life, you are unlikely
to keep a HIGH QUALITY woman.

   Batman is not going to rescue you. Your mom
is not going to sort this out.  YOU have to take
the steps to carve out your Sexual Confidence by
building MASSIVE Sexual COMPETENCE.

   It's easy to be confident about something that
you have great SKILL in.

   I've done the hard work for you by putting
thousands of hours of research into it.  All
you have to do... IF you're serious about becoming
confident, comfortable, and frankly GREAT in bed...
is click here:

   CLICK HERE NOW