***QUESTION FROM A READER***

Alex,

I am married for eight years.  Neither of us have
had sex with anyone else.  To say we were amateurs
eight years ago is an understatement.  We have
come a long way.  I get intense pleasure out of
sex, but would like to make it last longer.  I
have never gone for ten minutes, which is what
you consider the low end of average.  I have
gotten better (used to be half a minute, now I
can probably go three or four) at going longer
but still have a ways to go.  I will try your
suggestions.

My wife is much less satisfied.  She does not
orgasm easily and has never orgasmed as a result
of intercourse.  I have made her orgasm through
fingering and licking.  She takes a long time and
she won't always orgasm, but we've gotten better.
A lot, as you said, has to do with the buildup
and the mood.

So here's my question:  how can I have more than
one orgasm in a night?  It seems that once I
ejaculate, I'm done.  Since I come quickly, she's
usually ready for more, and I can't provide.  I
usually need more than an hour (sometimes even 2
is not enough) to have a prayer to go again, at
which point she's asleep.  We have never done it
more than once in a night.  This bothers the both
of us.

Her friend's husband can go twice or three times
without ever coming out.  Clearly I'm not getting
there anytime soon, but I think being able to go
twice in 20 minutes or a half hour would seriously
change the way our sex works.  I think I'd be much
less bothered by my stamina and I could focus on
her in between my orgasms. 

Plus, my wife is "hot" and we both know it.  I'm
not ugly, but I'm not going to be modeling for
anything.  I'm a little too skinny and I'm
beginning to need Rogaine.  If I could "rock her
world" more, I think this would help us feel that
sex is mutually enjoyable.  I think being able to
come more than once is key.  What can I do?

Do Viagra, Enzyte, etc., have anything to do with
this?

btw-- I am 33, healthy, and relatively skinny
(5'11" feet - 155 lbs.)

Thanks,

RL

>>>MY COMMMENTS:

   Oh R, I have so much I'd like to say to you
and so little space to write back...

   First of all, you didn't need to include your
height and weight-- this isn't a dating profile,
and I'd like you even if you were 4 feet - 255 lbs.

   Just kidding.

   But the fact is, part of your problem is
wrapped up in the fact that you included that
stuff... and the stuff about her friend's
husband...

   And the stuff about being a virgin when you
got married...

   And the stuff about "not modeling for
anything"...

   And the stuff about needing Rogaine...

   etc., etc...

   The truth is, your biggest problem right now
is about your confidence in your self... and
sexual confidence in particular.  And that is
what is almost certainly at the root of your
problem in controlling your ejaculation.

   Before I get to that, let me just answer a few
of your questions directly, because I think a lot
of readers could benefit from the replies.

   You asked if there is anything you can do to
get hard again faster after you have an orgasm...

   The time between your ejaculation and your
ability to get hard again is called the "refractory
period" and it is different in every guy.

   I have heard stories about freaks like your
wife's friend's husband, and yes, I suppose they exist--
guys who can get hard again immediately after they
come.

   All I can say is that I have a close friend that
inherited 45 million dollar trust fund when he turned
30, and I wish I was born with that gift too...

   But the fact is, most of us don't have
zillionaire dads, and most of us need some time
after we come before we are ready to go again.

   And basically this is just something you are
born with.

   Can you affect this time period?

   Probably, and some tantric techniques may help.  But if it takes you 2 hours now,
you are  not going to be able to suddenly be one
of those guys that can go again in 5 minutes (and tantra masters who tell you that tantric sex techniques can make you hare again right after you ejaculate are probably trying to sell you something.

   Here's some quick suggestions for you--

   First, I notice that you 2 virgins until  you
were married "have never done it more than once
in a night."  And that leaves me wondering if
you have ever done it more than once in a DAY.

   I ask because, quick sex tips, your testosterone level
varies throughout the day and it is highest in
the morning and lowest at night.

   So you may find that a Sunday morning session
is a great way to mix it up a bit, not worry so
much about your wife falling asleep in between
ejaculations, and maybe get hard again a lot
sooner because of the extra testosterone in your
blood.

   With regards to Viagra and other pills I have
a few things to say...

   First of all, without mentioning any brands by
name because I do not need any weird legal
entanglements, pills that don't come from your
doctor don't do anything. 

   They are bogus.  They are scams.  They are a
waste of your money.  And if you do even a tiny bit
of research you will discover that these companies
base their bogus claims on all sorts of loopholes
and nonsense.

   Some of them have a few minor active ingredients
that may give you slight improvement if you are
seriously malnourished, don't eat any vegetables,
and never take any vitamins.  But they are not
going to be the answer you are looking for. 

   That said, prescription pills from your
doctor are extremely powerful and they do work
very well, which is why these companies are
making billions of dollars.

   They will certainly dramatically decrease your
refractory period.

   But I seriously hope that you don't leap out
of your chair and dial up your doctor just yet,
because I strongly discourage you from going this
route. 

   First of all, these pills are very expensive.
Though, I suppose, that if I could not have
normal intercourse without them, the money would
seem like no big deal... but if you are making
love frequently (and I hope you are!), it could
get ridiculous.

   Second, I personally have some concerns about
taking strong drugs on a regular basis.  While
it is possible that long term use really is
completely harmless, my guess is, after many years,
we will learn what the real implications are.

   But the biggest reason that I don't think you
should take these pills just yet is that if you
can do this by yourself, without pills, you will
feel much better about your self.

   And as I stated at the beginning of this email,
I believe that the way you feel about yourself
is actually the biggest problem you are having
right now in your sex life.

   I also believe that you are deceiving
yourself by believing that reducing your
refractory period is the solution you are looking
for.

   The fact is, while there are biological and
genetic reasons that you can't quickly get hard
again after you come, there is NO REASON THAT
YOU CAN'T LAST LONGER in bed the first time.

   Let me put this very plainly:

   Other men before you have had trouble
ejaculating too quickly.  And those that put in
the effort have worked through the problem on
their own, without pills, and can now last as
long as their partner needs them to.

   "What one man can do, another man can do."

   If they can do it, you can do it pal.

   This is where your real leverage is on this
problem, so instead of giving up, lets roll up
our sleeves and look at some ways you can fix
this thing.

   First of all, to clear things up, I never said
that "ten minutes is the low end of average."

   The fact is, while some studies have been
done on the subject, nobody really knows how long
average is.

   The first guy that studied these statistics
was Alfred Kinsey, in the famous "Kinsey Report"
on human sexuality.

   What Kinsey found from interviewing couples,
was that 75% of men reach orgasm after 2 minutes
of penetration.

   2 minutes.

   Now, before you run around thinking that you
are suddenly King of the Mountain, let's remember
that this was many years ago and I think that
these days women are more educated about their
own pleasure and have much higher expectations.

   I also recently read a statistic that said
that the average was right around 7 minutes.

   But the fact is, this is not something that
is easy to study or find a "real" answer to
because you can't observe human couples under
"natural conditions."

   Which is to say, if you give a couple a
stop-watch and say, "the next time you guys are
doing it, just hit this 'start' button as soon as
as you begin intercourse, and then go ahead
and hit this 'stop' button just as soon as he
comes."...

   Well, there's a good chance that you are
going to get some very un-scientific results as
some guys are going to go much longer than usual
trying to impress the watch... and some guys
will come more quickly since the watch makes
them nervous.

   And do they have to be thrusting continuously?

   Or is stopping for a few seconds to keep from
cramping, changing position, or just giving her a
kiss okay?

   And how fast are they going?  Some women like
"sprinters" and I don't know too many men who have
the cardio to keep up a fast pace like that for
more than a minute or two.

   Anyway, nobody can actually put a number on
this stuff, but one thing is certain-- when a
couple is bragging about how long they are going,
they are ALWAYS lying.

   Otherwise they wouldn't be bragging, they'd
just be smiling a lot.

   So how long is long enough?

   Well that's a number I can tell you that very
EXACTLY.

   Long enough is when your wife is completely
and utterly satisfied. 

   And that is something I know that YOU can do.

   I recently sent out a newsletter that was all
about lasting longer in bed with lots of tips for
controlling ejaculation-- but for your situation
I think it will be much more helpful to just look
at one of them, and then build from there.


   The technique I'm going to talk about is the
one that I have gotten the most positive reader
response from, and it's adapted from tantra
and tantric practices 

   It is called "Triangular Breathing" and most
guys have found this extremely effective.

   While you are making love to your wife, you
will control your breathing so that you take a
very long, slow inhale for about 5 counts... then
you hold it at the top for a 5 count... and slowly
exhale for 5.

   Repeat this breathing pattern when you feel
like you are getting too excited.

   To make this even more effective, you should
actually visualize a triangle in your mind and
imagine a light traveling along each leg of the
triangle at a slow and even speed as you breath
in, hold, and breath out.

   You don't need to close your eyes, by they way,
just visualize the triangle around her face if
you like.

   Now, using this one "technique" let's see if
we can build you into a guy who can last for as
long as you (and she) wants you to.

   The next thing I want you to do is experiment
with sex positions.

   There's 3 things that make a sexual position a
good choice.

   1. It turns you on
   2. It turns her on
   3. It doesn't turn you on TOO MUCH

   You will find that you can last much longer
in some sex positions than others. 

   Typically men can last longer with the woman
on top, but some men report the opposite. 

   One of my favorite sex positions is laying her on her back at the
edge of the bed while you stand between her legs.
It's a great love making positions because many guys report they can
last longer in bed this way, it gives  you a great view
of your beautiful wife, and when you start going
for those marathon intercourse sessions, it gives you plenty
of air on your body to stay cool!

   Now, combining these two things is going to
take you a long way, but the rest is going to be
practice.

   This means that whenever you feel like you
are getting too close to coming, you have to stop.

   If stopping isn't enough, you may have pull
out for a few seconds until you can recover a bit.

   Starting and stopping this way may frustrate
her a bit.  Try going down on her in between to
keep her happy and busy.

   She may even get really turned on by this back
and forth and have an orgasm while you are having
intercourse very quickly.

   Eventually you will get to the point where you
can last longer and longer. 

   This may sound counter-intuitive, but you also
might not want to ejaculate every time you have sex.

   We are getting a bit deep into "tantra" here, but
you can have very satisfying sex without
ejaculating.

   When you begin making love, knowing in advance
that you do not intend to ejaculate on this night,
psychologically it becomes much easier to control.,

   And that brings us up to the final and most
important thing I want to share with you in this
email.

   I believe that 90% of your problem with lasting
longer in bed is psychological.

   I can make that pronouncement with some
confidence, because I believe that is true of all
men who have this issue.

   And in your case I'm double sure.

   See, this thing about how your wife is hot and
you both know it... and all of those negative
comments about yourself...

   Listen pal, first of all, you have to
understand that what makes a man "hot" to women
has very little to do with the fact that you're
losing some hair or that you don't look like a
model.

   And it is important that your wife think that YOU
are hot too.  And that both of you know it. 

   And that does not mean that you have to use Rogaine
or that you need to go to the gym and build muscles
like the governor of California.

   When you are self-assured and confident of
your sexuality, you will be "hot" to her.

   You can be the most confident guy in the world
at your job.  You can be a confident parent.  You
can even be a confident athlete.  But if you are
not sexually confident, it is going to be hard on
both of you to get this stuff right.

   I think you need to work on the "inner game"
of sex more than on techniques.

   Now I said above that going to the gym to
build big muscles wasn't important, but... maybe
going to the gym isn't such a terrible idea for
you anyway.

   You seem insecure about being skinny.  And
lifting weights can raise your testosterone and
getting stronger certainly raises your confidence
and make you FEEL more masculine in your own mind.

   You might even take up something like boxing...
something that lets you get in touch with your
masculine energy.

   Learn how to man-handle your wife a bit in bed.
Experiment with a bit of dominance.

   Now I don't want any dumb-asses who are reading
this to think that this means being abusive in any
way, or that it means doing anything that she is
objecting to.

   Just show some masculine strength and dominance.
You can be very dominant and very gentle at the
same time.

   Try holding her wrists down when you are going
down on her.  Put you hand on the center of her
chest and hold her firmly down onto the bed.
Touch her like you own her.

   Start taking charge more in little gallant ways
in your relationship.  Hold doors open and help
her on with her coat.  Don't be afraid to push
her against the wall and kiss her deeply when
you feel like she's being sexy.

   Start coming into your masculine, sexual power.

   Recite affirmations in the car on your way to
work that empower you.  Say things like:

   "I am a powerful and confident man.  My wife
worships me.  I can make her come just by staring
into her eyes."

   It sounds weird, but most of the most successful
people in the world use affirmations to enhance
their performance in everything from business to
professional sports, so it's worth a try.

   And, no kidding, if you feel like doing these
things and expressing masculinity more often in
your relationship is too much for you...

   I encourage you to print your email to me and
my reply and take it to a psychologist so that
he can help you work this stuff out.

   It's THAT important.

   Becoming confident in your masculinity is going
to allow you to calm yourself down and last as
long as you like. 

   Instead of worrying about whether you'll last
long enough, you should be smiling down at her
knowing that you can TOY WITH HER and make her
come any time you want and as long as you want.

   That ATTITUDE will change EVERYTHING.

   And then 2 things will happen...

   First, you will no longer have an issue with
coming too fast.

   Second, your wife will experience orgasms in
much less than half the time.  Because she will
feel your confidence and it will drive her
completely wild with sexual excitement.

   You both deserve it.

   And look, I'm not completely insensitive-- I
know that this is easier for me to say than for
you to do. 

   This might take some time.  Be patient with
yourself, but do not give up on yourself, because
you CAN succeed in changing these things.

   As I said before, other men have, and you can
too.

   Want to make it happen faster?

   Read my book.

   Here's why--

   One of the best ways to build CONFIDENCE is by
building COMPETENCE.

   Learning EXACTLY how to rock her world every
time you lead her into the bedroom will go a long
way to making you feel like the great lover that
she wants you to be, and that you know that you
can be.

   For the price of a regular book from the
book store I have no idea what holds you guys
back from just buying the thing, reading it
5 times through, and doing EVERYTHING inside of it.

   It will change your life and it will do simply
incredible things for your relationship.  Because
marriages WORK BETTER when your wife knows that
you can "shock and awe" her in the bedroom.

   I seriously can't help scratching my head about
why some guys don't take this next step...

   That is why I started offering my 7-day trial...

   I've been talking about it for a while-- you
download it and read it NOW, and you have 7 days
to decide if it's everything that I'm saying it is.

   If you don't think so, no sweat, just let me
know within 7 days and don't pay me. 

   If I don't hear from you in 7 days, I just
assume that you and your wife are too busy in the
bedroom making her scream her head off and I just
go ahead and bill you. 

   And that makes me smile.  Not because of the
roughly 5 bucks I'll probably make after taxes
and stuff-- but because it feels great to help
out a couple that are in love.  Can you even
imagine a job better than that?

   To state the obvious:

   Your wife and your relationship are worth it.

   Isn't it time that your wife got a chance to do
the bragging to her friend for a change? 

   Download it now by clicking here:

   How To Last Longer In Bed